Tag: story

Rex would like to issue a formal complaint about our recent winter trip to visit some friends.

Hi Hoomans and fellow doggos.

I am Rex! I have a sister named Winnie, and you can go meet her around the blog. But right now I must tell you something VERY important.

It’s about the Freezy Place.

You see, last weekend the hoomans decided to go to a place called Up North. We got into the car with all the hoomans, us dogs, and LOTS of stuff. Thinking about it, that should have been a red flag right then and there. There were too many jackets and hats and gloves and such. And I don’t like the cold.

Anyway, we went in the car for a loooong time. I like short trips, but I get carsick on long ones. But it was nice and toasty in the car, so I didn’t complain. Eventually, the hoomans said, “Almost there!” I know that means that we are gonna get out of the car soon, so I got super excited. The only problem was that the place we were going to was up a big, icy hill. And the car DOES NOT like big, steep, icy, unpaved hills – it growls and won’t move.

Well, everything was fine – until the car started sliding backward. Some of the hoomans screamed, and it scared me and Winnie. Actually, it just scared me. Winnie was asleep for the whole thing.

We spent a long time going up and then sliding down the hill. The hoomans screeched the whole time – “We’re gonna hit the tree!” “We’re sliding off the road!”

Well, sometime later, the people we were going to visit showed up with a big loud truck and towed us backwards up the mountain.

At one point the truck got stuck too, and then the car got stuck again. But the cabin we were headed to wasn’t too far, so we all got out and walked.

When the hooman opened the car door, I thought I had stuck my nose in the freezer! Everything was snow and ice and snow and ice! Was the hooman trying to freeze me to death? Was this the North Pole? Were we going to become Santa’s elves?

I knew that if I stayed in the cold for a second longer, I was gonna be deep-frozen doggo. So I ran up to the cabin and pulled Winnie and the hooman with me. Then I ran inside.

To my surprise, one of my friends was there! His name is Max and he’s a big yellow lab. The hoomans mix up our names sometimes because Rex kinda sounds the same as Max. I was so happy to see him that I almost forgave the hoomans for trying to freeze me to death. There were also lots of nice people who wanted to pet me and a whole cottage to explore. Me and Max and Winnie get along super well.

I did my cursory inspection of the house – you have to check all the corners to be sure you aren’t missing anything cool, like an interesting smell or a dropped cracker. I also inspected all the hoomans.

The cottage was warm and cozy and I almost forgot that it was in a freezer. But boy, when I went outside to go pee, the cold started biting me and freezing my eyeballs! I was even wearing my special warm sweater with pompoms. Max and Winnie didn’t seem to be bothered by the weather. They keep saying that they’re labs, and labs are made for cold weather. I was NOT – the hoomans say I’m a rescue dog from Texas. They say I’m half-greyhound (whatever that means) and that I don’t have a nice warm coat (my fur is short and soft). Either way, it was COLD. I told them that I would be staying inside for the foreseeable future.

The hoomans did not like this plan. Especially cause it meant I had to pee in the house. I have never, ever gone potty inside, even when the hoomans first got me. But there’s no way I was going outside – I would be DEAD and frozen within seconds.

In the cabin, they also had a little fireplace like the one at home, except it was small and in a box and heated the whole house. So I sat in front of it in my pompom sweater and tried to stay warm. It was miserable.

Winnie and Max didn’t seem bothered by the cold. The snow was up to their shoulders and they went SWIMMING in it! Crazy labradors. The hoomans said it was NEGATIVE 20 DEGREES! That’s about -30 for you Celsius people.

At night, the hoomans put on an extra warm breeze called the furnace. I slept in my hooman’s sleeping bag in front of the fire with the furnace on and my sweater. The next morning, the hooman wrapped me up in a blanket and I refused to move except for breakfast. I didn’t know how much more of this I could take! Luckily, we were leaving that day.

Except, to get back to the car, I would have to walk around in the freezer, on the snow and ice! The hoomans practically had to drag me outside. Winnie and Max thought it was hilarious. I did not. The wind cut straight through my favorite pompom sweater. Every time my paw touched the snow, it felt like it had frozen off. I tried limping, but I couldn’t figure out a way to keep all four paws off the ground.

As soon as the hooman looked away, I ran all the way up the road back to the warm cabin, and the hooman had to drag me back to the car again.

But FINALLY, the car got warm and toasty and I fell asleep. Back at home, it was 5 degrees Fahrenheit (still really cold), but it felt like a sauna after that.

My advice: Never EVER go Up North to the Freezy Place. It is WORSE than getting your tongue stuck to the kitchen freezer.

Wags,

Rex